Look, here’s the deal. Don’t waste your time reporting a fake account on Facebook. If you do, you’ll quickly discover you’re wrong. And no one likes to have their mistakes pointed out to them.

And why do I say this? Because I recently reported a fake account on Facebook and the good folks at Facebook told me several times that I was wrong.

I thought I had a case as tight as a duck’s ass, but it was proven otherwise. The so-called fake account did not violate Facebook’s community standards.

Let’s take a look at the Facebook community standards. I’ve highlighted the parts that I thought pertained to my situation.

• Creating inauthentic profiles
• Using their images with the explicit aim to deceive people
• Accounts that are fake
• Accounts that have fake names

Now let’s take a look at what I thought was a fake account on Facebook.

Putting Facebook Community Standards to Action

I was alerted to the Facebook account of Martin’s Mark Brown Writter. Now, as you know, my website is Mark Brown Writer, as are my Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest accounts.

Now I’m no odds maker but I thought the odds were pretty slim that two accounts could be so similar in name. Of course I spell writer with one t. So out of the four points I pulled from Facebook’s community standards, three were marked off:

• Creating inauthentic profiles
• Accounts that are fake
• Accounts that have fake names

I reported the so-called fake account to Facebook. I received this message:

“Thanks for letting us know about something you think may go against our Community Standards. Reports like yours are an important part of making Facebook a safe and welcoming environment for everyone.

In this case, we reviewed the profile you reported and found that it doesn’t go against our Community Standards.”

At first I was incensed. Look at this account.

I thought it was someone using pictures of me, with basically my social media name, to sell bitcoin under false pretenses. I mean, I truly believed that all four of the points I highlighted from Facebook’s community standards were hit.

• Creating inauthentic profiles
• Using their images with the explicit aim to deceive people
• Accounts that are fake
• Accounts that have fake names

But Facebook told me I was wrong. Clearly this isn’t an inauthentic account, a fake account or an account that has a fake name. Just someone who looks a lot like me and has a very similar name.

More Freakish Similarities

But the uncanny similarities don’t end there. I find it amazing that this guy is also friends with two of my friends, Deedee Magno Hall and Cliffton Hall. And the picture he’s posted of them looks to be in the same recording studio where Deedee and Cliffton recorded a song for me for my new musical. I wonder if Martins Mark Brown Writter is also working on a new musical.

Here’s the oddly similar photo from my Facebook page.

Creepy.

And this one. I know what you’re thinking. That’s me in an ugly Christmas sweater and me wearing an ugly hat. Nope. Not me. Facebook says so. But I do like all of those bitcoin pictures.

And what you can’t see in these pictures is the URL for the not fake account.

www.facebook.com/emmanuel.bobby.94

Now I don’t know much about marketing or any of that fancy stuff, but I would think you would put your name in the URL. Like mine.

www.facebook.com/markbrownwriter

Not so. If you’re Martins Mark Brown Writter you obviously want to use the name emmanuel.bobby.94 in the URL. And he would know. He sells bitcoin.

Several Reports

I just didn’t know when to stop. I reported the account several times. Many of my friends reported the account. Everyone received the same message from Facebook:

“Thanks for letting us know about something you think may go against our Community Standards. Reports like yours are an important part of making Facebook a safe and welcoming environment for everyone.

In this case, we reviewed the profile you reported and found that it doesn’t go against our Community Standards.”

And Facebook would know. I mean, they’re pretty good at identifying fake accounts.

So take it from me. If you’re convinced there’s a fake account on Facebook, don’t report it. You’re wrong. Clearly I was wrong.

The post Don’t Bother Reporting a Fake Account on Facebook appeared first on Mark Brown - Writer.

I like to steer clear of politics here. It’s something I try to avoid. Sort of like working with kids and animals. You never come out on the winning side.

But given our impending dystopia, I felt I couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

Right now our country is in a huge poop storm and many people and issues are at risk. It’s a scary time. Religion, free press, human rights, the environment and many other people and issues are in peril. We think. We don’t know. It’s anyone’s guess at this point.

But there’s something we can do. We can work with groups and organizations that fight for these issues and people.

Here’s a list of charities that protect the people and the values most threatened by the maniacal Orange Julius, who is about to lead our country to God knows where.

1) American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)
The ACLU is a nonprofit organization dedicated to defending and preserving civil rights guaranteed to every person in the United States. You can make a donation here.

2) Anti-Defamation League
Fighting anti-Semitism and all forms of bigotry, defending democratic ideals and protecting civil rights for all. Donate here.

3) Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR)
CAIR was established to promote a positive image of Muslims in America and to counter misrepresentations of Islam through education, advocacy, and civil rights work. CAIR’s work will be more important than ever under a president who has promised to ban Muslims from entering the United States. Donate here.

4) Human Rights Watch
Global charity exposing international human rights abuses like torture, violence against women, and child exploitation. Make a donation here.

5) Mental Health America
Community-based nonprofit dedicated to addressing the needs of those living with mental illness and promoting the overall mental health of all Americans. Donate here.

6) NAACP 
An African-American civil rights group committed to ensuring the political, educational, social, and economic equality of all persons and to eliminate race-based discrimination. Donate here.

7) National Immigration Law Center (NILC)
The NILC provides legal support and defends the rights of low-income immigrants who live in the United States. Click here to donate.

8) Planned Parenthood
Planned Parenthood will face more attacks on providing women’s health screenings, birth control, and abortion services in the coming years. Donate here.

9) Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)
The country’s largest anti-sexual-violence organization, RAINN , is an important resource for survivors. They work with local rape crisis centers and have a web-based hotline and live chat. Donate here.

10) The Sierra Club Foundation
The Sierra Club Foundation is an environmental advocacy group that promotes education and activism to fight climate change. Donate to protect the environment.

11) Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC)
The Southern Poverty Law Center has been combatting hate, intolerance, and discrimination through education and litigation since 1971. The SPLC is also one of the most important hate group watchdogs in the country and one to which I’ve been donating for years. Donate here.

12) The Trevor Project
The Trevor Project is a free confidential suicide hotline for LGBT and questioning youth. The hotline has experienced a surge of calls from LGBT youth in the past few months. Donate to support The Trevor Project here.

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Are you just sitting around saying to yourself, “Gee, I really wish I could watch the Titanic sinking in real time?” Then I have some awesome news for you. Now you can, thank to Titanic: Honor and Glory, a “fully interactive recreation of the most famous ship in history.”

The company behind Titanic: Honor and Glory has just released a 2:40 hour video of the Titanic sinking. It’s mesmerizing. Don’t skip to the end. I mean, we all know how it ends so you don’t have to worry about spoiler alters. But I will tell you that the final bit with the ship sinking and the empty lifeboats drifting by is haunting.

Not only will you be able to explore the entire ship, inside and out, but you’ll also get to explore Southhampton before you set sail on the journey that was far worse than the S.S. Minnow.

The game isn’t completed yet. In fact, you can apply to work on the project.

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Hey Veterans. Hop in your M1117 Armored Security Vehicle and hit the town for your Veterans Day Freebies.

Applebee’s

Vets and active-duty military can have their pick from a special menu with options like three-cheese chicken penne, 7-oz. sirloin, and double crunch shrimp, free of charge (beverage and gratuity are not included).

Bob Evans

Hotcakes, brioche French toast, and the country biscuit breakfast are among the options available to veterans and active-duty military in a special free menu.

Bonefish Grill

Customers with military ID get a free order of Bang Bang Shrimp on Veterans Day.

California Pizza Kitchen

A special Veterans Day menu that includes pizza, salad, and pasta is free for vets and active-duty personnel.

California Tortilla

Show a military ID and get one free taco.

Charlie Brown’s Steakhouse

Veterans and active-duty military get a free choice of entrees and a non-alcoholic beverage, plus a coupon good for a $10 credit on a future visit.

Cheeseburger in Paradise

An All American Burger with fries is free of charge to those with military ID.

Cracker Barrel

Grab a free dessert—the Double Chocolate Fudge Coca-Cola Cake—if you’re a veteran.

CraftWorks

Active-duty military and veterans are welcomed to a free craft beer—or, if that’s illegal locally, an appetizer on the house—at this brewery and restaurant group with nearly 200 locations around the country.

Denny’s

From 5 a.m. to noon, all veterans and active-duty personnel get a Build Your Own Grand Slam meal, with possibilities including pancakes, eggs, bacon, fruit, and hash browns.

Friendly’s

Participating locations are giving veterans and active military a free Big-Two-Do combo meal for breakfast, or free All American Burger with fries and a drink for lunch or dinner.

Golden Corral

From 5 p.m. to 9 p.m., anyone who has ever served in the U.S. military is welcomed to a special sit-down dinner, free of charge.

Hooters

All veterans and active-duty military personnel get an entrée on the house.

Hurricane Grill & Wings

All veterans and active military get a free meal from a special menu, as well as a non-alcoholic beverage.

IHOP

From 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., all veterans and active-duty military members are welcomed to one order apiece of Red, White & Blue Pancakes, which come with glazed strawberries, blueberry compote, and whipped cream.

IKEA

From November 8 to 11, show military ID in an IKEA cafeteria for a free entrée (value up to $9.99).

Krispy Kreme

A free donut and a free coffee for all veteran or active-duty military

Krystal

Free breakfast, in the form of a chicken or sausage biscuit, is on the table for vets and active military from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m., and after 11 a.m. all customers get pups or corn pups for 50¢ apiece, with a portion of the proceeds going to the Armed Services YMCA organization.

And thank you all for your service. It is greatly appreciated.

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Today marks the 26th anniversary of the brutal crushing of pro-democracy protests in Tiananmen Square in 1989. Or as it’s known in China – Thursday.

I was in China 10-years ago to adopt my daughter. In our tour of Tiananmen Square, not one word was uttered by our tour guide about the massacre. Nothing. It was the same reaction I got from every girl I ever asked out on a date.

But on our bus ride back to the airport, our 20-something tour guide got on the microphone. He was a really well composed guy, but suddenly he started having a nervous cough and was clearing his throat like he had just swallowed a handful of fermented tuna eyeballs. He said,”Now that you’ve filled out and handed in your tour satisfaction forms, let me tell you what really happened at Tiananmen Square.”

He then proceeded to tell us much of what every country in the world except China already knows about the massacre. But he also told us how his grandmother saw the Chinese army rise up out of the underground tunnels beneath Tiananmen Square and slaughter thousands of people. She saw trucks filled with bodies and body parts.

Our guide went on and on about the massacre. It was riveting. And very brave of him because the bus driver could have been a party member. Or maybe he was just grumpy. But he driver did drive up on a sidewalk to avoid backed up traffic. So there’s that.

The Great Firewall of China

The Great Firewall of China has blocked all mention of Tiananmen Square on Weibo (The Google of China). Here’s what they have blocked:

• Tiananmen Square
• Today
• June 4th
• Tank Man
• 63 + 1 (because it adds up to 64, or June 4th)
• 65-1 (for the same mathematical reason)
• Democracy
• Memorial event
• Crush
• Crush and destroy
• Assemble
• Revolt
• Open fire
• Today
• Tomorrow
• Yesterday
• That year
• That day
• Demonstrate
• Gunfire
• Hunger Strike Declaration
• Protest
• Suppress
• Tank
• June
• Jun+4
• Six+four
• Six 4
• 6 four
• Liusi (Pinyin for “six four”)
• Six four
• TAM (abbreviation for Tiananmen)
• Martial law
• Student movement
• Student strike
• Student federation
• Massacre
• Beijing massacre

And my favorite:

• Big Yellow Duck

The censors mean business.

The Gate of Heavenly Peace

All of this was in my mind when I wrote the song “The Gate of Heavenly Peace” for China The Whole Enchilada. I took the image of the troops coming up from the tunnels and wrote:

“The ground cracked open and the sky grew dark

Came a rumbling across the land

The devil rose up and he declared

I’m gonna crush your faith into the ground

I’m gonna crush your faith into the ground

I’m gonna crush your faith into the ground

At the Gate of Heavenly Peace”

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I’m usually a few hours behind on free stuff days. Not this time. June 5th is National Doughnut Day. To celebrate National Doughnut Day, Krispy Kreme will be giving away free donuts. One per person. But that’s why I carry around a stage makeup case with me. I’m shooting for at least a dozen free donuts.

No word yet on how Dunkin’ Donuts will celebrate the day.

National Moonshine Day

Celebrating National Doughnut Day with free donuts is pretty awesome. But you know what makes it even more awesome? June 5th is also National Moonshine Day. Sadly, whoever is behind National Moonshine Day is falling down on the job. Perhaps everyday is National Moonshine Day for him and he’s literally falling down everyday. The website is sad. Very sad. So don’t count on any free moonshine.

The Festival of Popular Delusions Day

June 5th is also The Festival of Popular Delusions Day. Now I don’t know if this is a legitimate holiday (you know, like National Doughnut Day) but the idea of it makes me hope it is a real holiday. Supposedly the first Festival of Popular Delusions Day marked the last day the Nazi’s were able to delude themselves that they would rule the Earth for a thousand years. Great origin. I’ll be celebrating The Festival of Popular Delusions Day by believing I am a handsome man about town.

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I’m in search for a German woman. Not just any German woman. This German woman.

The brunette in the middle. Not the guy on the left. He’s neither German nor a woman.

A Bremen German Woman

Back in 1996 I was cast in an industrial film for Evans and Sutherland. They’re a computer firm and back then they sold killer simulators to the military. They don’t sell them anymore and now the Evans and Sutherland website looks like it was designed by an 81-year old guy who has taught himself web design from a 20-year old computer book.

Anyway, I was cast to do a film for Evans and Sutherland. Orland0-based Century III was the film production company that hired me. I was living in Orlando at the time, trying to get my feet back under me after a disastrous few years in Chicago.

We shot the film in Switzerland and Germany. It was in Bremen, Germany when I met the aforementioned German woman. She was part of the German film crew in Bremen. Here’s a picture of the film crew.

That’s my friend Rus, second from the right. The German girl I’m looking for is third from the left.

She and I hit it off immediately. She was as sweet as a Prinzregententorte. We laughed a lot. I have never forgotten her. But I have forgotten her name. And that makes searching for her as hard as finding a a sober German at Oktoberfest.

But I have just enough mental illnesses to give it a try. I don’t have much to go on.

It was 1996. Film crew in Bremen, Germany. Shoot with Century III for Evans and Sutherland. Aaaaand that’s it.

Not much huh?

Oh, and since it was 1996, she’s 19-years older. So I’m guessing she’s in her mid-40s.

That’s a very young me with the mysterious German woman.

I’m not quite sure why I want to find her. Maybe it’s to get in touch with my lost youth. Maybe it’s to find out what happened to her. Maybe it’s because I need someone to buy some Spritzgebäck for me. I’m not sure. But I’d like to find her to satisfy some unknown longing in me.

Here we are. I’m attempting my best German look.

The Skinny

So here’s the deal. I know very few people in Germany. But if you know someone in Germany, please send them a link to this post. Ask them if the girl or anyone else in the picture looks familiar. Of course the person will have to add 19 years onto everyone. And then ask that person to send the link to other friends and family in Germany, especially in the Bremen area. It’s sort of like a pyramid scheme for missing persons.

Let’s see if we can find that sober German.

Ich danke ihnen sehr.

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Being a dad of a little girl, I have watched the animated Cinderella film more times than I can tell you. And frankly I’ve had my fill of the film. But in 2015 Disney will release a new live-action version and it looks magical. Instead of calling it Cinderella Live-Action and to not confuse it with the animated version, I’m simply going to call it Cinderella 2015.

And what a cast.Cinderella 2015 had me at Helena Bonham Carter as the Fairy Godmother. But add in Cate Blanchett as Lady Tremaine, Lily James as Cinderella, and frigging Derek Jacobi as the King and I’m already camping out in line to get a ticket.

And I love love love this dialogue exchange, that addresses the question of the ridiculousness of wearing shoes made of glass:

Cinderella: “They’re made of glass.”

Fairy Godmother: “And you’ll find them really comfortable.”

Helena Bonham Carter makes me laugh with her line reading.

I suppose Disney felt the Cinderella franchise was starting to wane so they decided to make Cinderella 2015. I can’t wait for remakes of all of the other 1930s – 1940s princess movies.

Here’s the trailer to Cinderella 2015.

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There’s a new viral video in town folks and it’s called “Chick Chick.”

Chinese pop star Wang Rong released a video for her song “Chick Chick.” Saying the video is bizarre isn’t doing it justice. And it’s probably an insult to the word “bizarre.”

People are comparing it to “What Does the Fox Say,” by Norwegian comedic duo Ylvis, and “Gangnam Style” by Korean pop sensation Psy. I think it’s in that family but just a whole lot weirder.

It’s like a video Stefon would love.

“This video has everything. Dancing farm animals, an enchantress, guys in horse masks, a chicken corset, bikini-clad poultry, wig helmets, lots of clucking, and a midget.”

Okay, the midget isn’t in it but he should be.

According to ABC, the lyrics are ”Mother Hen, Mother Hen,” “Little Chick, Little Chick,” “Rooster, Rooster” and “Who stole my chicken feed?” All in Mandarin. How awesome is that?

The video is a bit like dropping a bunch of acid while watching Robert Palmer’s video “Simply Irresistible.”

“Chick Chick” was posted three weeks ago and has over 6 million hits on YouTube. I think it had over 2 million hits today alone. “Chick Chick” has a long way to go to pass “Gangnam Style’s” 2 billion views but it’s a better and weirder trip.

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Welcome to Stupid People Monday, where I, against my better judgement, post about stupid people who walk among us.

Stupid People: Steve Santagati

First up is Steve Santagati, self-proclaimed #1 relationship expert in America and author of the book The Manual. This yahoo appeared on CNN with Amanda Seales to discuss the Hollaback video of a woman enduring hours of catcalling in New York City that went viral last week.

As soon as Steve Santagati opened his mouth it was evident that he is a complete idiot and a total d-bag. My favorite part was when he said, “Political correctness has gone too far. If you don’t like it as a woman, turn around and tell him to shut up. Stand up for yourself. Act like a strong woman …”

When Amanda Seales pointed out that a woman in Detroit was just killed for doing that (and another woman had her throat slashed for not going ton a date with a stranger) Stupid Steve said, “Then carry a gun.”

Oh Steve, you’re such a romantic.

Check out the whole segment here.

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